M third recommendation is about depolarizing your home environment.
We agree that excessive polarization is a bad thing, from a critical thinking standpoint. So how can we depolarize our home environment, and promote better models of communication, better models of how to talk and think about different points of view, than the ones we’re seeing on the news and on social media?
This is a bigger topic than I can cover fully here, but in terms of low-hanging fruit, the obvious place to start, again, is for parents to model a healthier set of intellectual attitudes and practices and ways of talking about different points of view.
And this will likely be a challenge for many parents. The challenges are different for different family scenarios, but my recommendations will be these same regardless, because I’m going to target the hardest case.
The hardest case is when the parents are clearly on one side of a political or cultural divide. Mom and Dad self-identify as liberal or conservative, or religious or secular, or some other political orientation. The kids know what side their parents are on, they know how their parents feel about “the other side”, and they feel some degree of pressure to align with their parents’ values.
Unfortunately, Mom and Dad, even though you feel very confident in your positions, everything we’ve learned about human nature tells us that this is the scenario where your critical judgment is most likely to be impaired, because this is when you’re most vulnerable to a host of cognitive biases that are aggravated by your strong identification with a particular cultural group.
You’ll think you understand more than you do. You’ll think your arguments are stronger and more persuasive than they are. You’ll think the other side’s arguments are weaker than they are. And in your speech and attitudes, you’re much more likely to express contempt and hostility toward the people on the other side.
Now, you may think that your positions are well-justified, because they’re the product of a long period of independent critical thinking on your part. This is where your journey as a critical thinker has led you.
Maybe so. That’s fine. But your kids can’t make that claim. If you really want to raise your kids to think critically and independently for themselves, you have to create a space that nurtures their intellectual autonomy, where they genuinely feel encouraged to explore different points of view, where they don’t feel an overwhelming pressure to conform to your views. If you care about this, that’s your job.
Now, how do you do that without being inauthentic, without betraying your own principles?
You do that by modeling the attitudes and practices of a critical thinker, and make sure that your kids see that.
That are lots of ways of doing this. Here’s a simple example.
Let’s say you’re politically on the left. You were hoping Bernie Sanders would be the Democratic candidate in the last election.
What does your bookshelf look like? Is it stacked with progressive authors?
If I scan across it will I see Bernie’s book, Our Revolution: A Future to Believe In? Elizabeth Warren’s book, This Fight is Our Fight? Chris Hedges’ book Unspeakable? Will I see Noam Chomsky, Naomi Klein, Howard Zinn?
This is what people do. They collect works that support their orientation. And if they have any works by authors on the other side of the political spectrum, they’re few and far between.
But what if I walked into your house and I see a bookshelf where the top shelf was all left-leaning progressive authors, the next shelf down was all conservative authors, and the third shelf was all libertarian authors.
So on the same bookshelf I could pull off, say, Why Marx Was Right by Terry Eagleton, Creating Capabilities by Martha Nussbaum, Conservatism: An Invitation to the Great Tradition, by Roger Scruton, and The Libertarian Mind, by David Boaz.
And let’s say that, even though I know you identify as politically on the left, you can say something about what each of these authors is trying to argue for in these books, and you enjoy talking about these issues when given the opportunity?
What would that say about you? It would say that you’re the kind of person who is interested in ideas and arguments, and not just the ones on your side. You want to understand the strengths and weaknesses of the positions on all sides.
And what would that signal to your kids, growing up, even when they’re too young to understand or even care about the issues? It would signal openmindedness and intellectual curiosity. It would signal respect for different intellectual perspectives. It would signal that home is a safe space to explore different viewpoints.
That’s an example of modeling intellectual virtues that promote critical thinking values.
If you’re not a book person, there other ways of doing this. You can diversify your podcast listening, the blogs you check, the YouTube videos you watch, the people you follow on social media.
But don’t keep all of this to yourself. Your kids need to see this. They need to see that Mom and Dad think it’s not just okay, but a good thing to explore different views and learn how other people see the world. Your kids need to see that you value this.
And this also the solution to the problem of polarization and uncivil discourse. If you make a good faith effort to understand the arguments on all sides, and are careful to distinguish criticism of arguments from criticism of people, then you are no longer part of the problem. Other people may not be prepared to reciprocate, they may still react defensively, but you aren’t responsible for their reactions. The point is that you won’t be contributing to a toxic culture of discourse anymore.
So, I can quickly sum up my recommendations for depolarizing the home environment.
The basic idea is that the best way to depolarize the home environment is by modeling intellectual virtues that promote critical thinking values.
I gave two concrete examples:
One, diversify your sources, try to understand them, and invite people to talk about them. That alone can signal to your kids that home is a safe space for critical thinking.
And two, focus on arguments, and be careful to distinguish criticism of an argument from criticism of the person giving an argument. Do this yourself, and encourage it in your children.